#2 Coronavirus Part 2: Searching Within to Discover Our Way Through the Pandemic
In our second episode on meeting fear and anxiety during the COVID-19 pandemic, we hear how guest Marlana Qualls, talking on March 7, is discovering that by getting out of the fear, which she described in our first episode, she can use the pandemic as an opportunity to continue awakening long-dormant capacities:
“I don't feel like it's such a doom, like I don't feel like it's such a curse. I feel like something here is good, like this can awaken our ability to use our discernment if we have the confidence and the education--”
Join us as we continue our discussion of the choices each of us has, moment to moment, in confronting the invisible-to-the-eye virus.
Listen here:
Transcript
Episode excerpt:
(00:00):
Marlana Qualls:
You have to check in, but you have to get out of the fear to check in. You have to get out of the fear—
Dr. Stuart Bernstein:
Yes.
MQ:
to check in.
Dr.B:
Yeah.
MQ:
And then when you're out of the fear, you have your confidence and then you're not going to — get entangled with the mess either.
Dr.B:
That said, is it possible that there's some gift in the coronavirus for all of us?
MQ:
I feel that, that's what I'm feeling. I don't feel like it's such a doom, like I don't feel like it's such a, mmm, curse. I feel like it's, like something here is good, like this can awaken our ability to use our discernment if we have the confidence and the education—
(0:50):
Welcome to this episode of The Last Healer, a podcast dedicated to helping us return to our original nature. With us today is Dr. Stuart Bernstein with longtime student, Marlana Qualls.
The Last Healer, who might that be? You. We are each our own last healer. When medical intervention began thousands of years ago, all that was needed was a word from another person to right the imbalance. And that person wasn't necessarily even a medical practitioner.
Today, a few people are attempting to return to living in this way, to life as a full person. You'll hear about their journeys in The Last Healer podcast, where we speak in unscripted conversation with individuals who have set upon this course. In our conversations, they arrive at new insights and understandings in real time during the podcast.
May the words spoken in today's podcast spark a long dormant way of knowing, hidden within yourself, and help you right your course.
(2:07):
Dr. Stuart Bernstein:
Recently, I received an email from a relative, reading, “I hope you guys are doing well since the world turned upside-down. We are hanging in there.”
My teacher often described our civilization as being upside-down, and that was forty years ago. I came to realize his perception was accurate. First, nuclear power plant meltdowns and their lingering fallouts occurred, followed by ever-increasing environmental disasters, culminating in a worldwide schism over global warming—real or not real? None of these proved enough to bring human beings together, to unify us.
And now, the coronavirus. Invisible to the naked eye, yet so powerful as to be on the verge of toppling our global order. I propose that coronavirus is the product of a severe societal imbalance—an imbalance brought on by our civilization’s collective disposition. Coronavirus is a symptom of imbalances pleading to be addressed in order for societal well-being to occur. Only from this perspective—that of we as creator as opposed to that of we as victim—will we ever be able to identify how we must change if we are to begin orienting our collective compass toward creating a healthy world.
Imbalance, I say. Specifically what imbalance? And why now?
Our civilization is predicated upon consumption—in the name of pleasure, in the name of comfort, in the name of convenience. Ever-increasing consumption is the name of the game, fueled by our insatiable appetites.
As you go through your day, allow yourself to feel the energy of your desires as they arise. Do they help you relax or do they make you feel tense? Where in your body do you feel the most heat? Is there anywhere, from head to toes where you feel cold? Or does your body temperature feel uniformly balanced? Are you ever able to do nothing, to simply be? If your answer is no, then you are burning up a lot of energy, heating up your environment. If you are homebound in a world of quarantine and self-isolation, how are you faring? Are you able to let go?
Finally, how is your current emotional state? Any anxiety? Worry? Sadness and/or grief? Frustration? Anger? Depression? How about fear? Obsessive self-judgment or judgment of others?
I pose these questions because all dispositions and all negative affect weaken our immune capacity, and shape the world around us. If we are going to rebuild this world in alignment with our nature as human beings, we must first identify the imbalances existing within ourselves and proceed to transform them.
Several weeks before the virus manifested in the United States, I asked a patient—a successful man by all appearances—now approaching eighty, if there’s anything he would like to have done differently?
“Well,” he said, “I keep making the same mistakes, and that’s never made me happy.”
Which brings us to today’s podcast. In our first episode, Marlana Qualls began by asking, “If I’m not in fear, how do I know that I’m navigating my ship appropriately? Where do I get that information from?”
She then stated that her responsibility based on trial and error is not to meet the epidemic from her fear, because she has found fear arises out of reaction, puts her in separation from the present moment, makes her spin out away from herself, and thereby blocks her capacity to determine right action in that moment.
She explained how she has learned from years of experience that her responsibility is to sink down to her center, to the darkness within her belly, and from that place, search what she is feeling, and predicated on the nature of that feeling, discern how to proceed with the next step.
Marlana concluded by saying, “I feel an ease in my belly, like an ease when my energy is down. And so, well, that’s what I can say.”
She feels certain her searching has brought her to a confidence in the choices she is making for her family and herself, even in this demanding milieu.
We continue today where we left off, further exploring the capacity that sets us apart from other creatures, that being choice, and how we can best awaken and exercise this capacity moment to moment.
And now, part 2 of Marlana’s and my exploration of coronavirus.
Dr. B (7:48):
Are there times when your energy is down when you don't feel an ease?
Marlana Qualls:
There are times, yeah, sure. Like someone starts coughing. I know I don't, I don't like it and I know that, um, I need to check in with how they're doing and I need to treat them and then I act on that. And then I have a confidence that, um, I'm moving in the right direction. But you know, more than not, I feel better than I — like more than not, I, I don't feel, usually I don't, I don't feel too troubled when I'm down. Like . . .
Dr.B:
That's good news.
MQ:
Yeah. That's good. It is good.
Dr.B:
Yes, it is.
MQ (8:34):
There's, there are things that come in, but they're, they don't feel like fear and they don't feel like I can't meet them when they come in. Like they feel like — let me think of an example. So like with our daughter, she's very, um, she's so wonderful and so beautiful and so soft and she's a nurturer. And I had this calling to make sure she knew what her purpose in this life was and that she has a confidence around that. And I felt that calling and it felt like, you know, like, like an uneasiness, like I really wanted to, like I needed to tend to it. So she knew she, so I knew she had these, this confidence about her. And so I asked her, I said, 'do you know what your purpose is?' And she looked at me and she said, 'Well, I don't know. What is, what is that?' And I said, 'Well, what are you here for in this life?' And she's four and she closes her eyes and she feels, and she's like, 'Just to be healthy and happy.' And it was so clear and it was so, like it cut right to my belly. And I was like, okay, I addressed whatever was going on there. That was all I needed to do was just my words, just giving her that confidence. And she, I would say that's very true about who this little girl is. [laughter] That's really what she is here for, you know? And then, same with my boys. Those things have happened with my boys, as well. So it comes in and it's not, so, mm, what's the word?
MQ:
Up? It's not, the vibration behind it isn't the same. It's like more like you feel like, okay, this is my responsibility as a mom. How do I, what do these kids need to feel safe? Basically, it's like that.
Dr.B:
Um-hum. Speaking of—
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
feeling safe—
MQ:
Yes.
Dr.B (10:55):
I was getting the impression that you're saying you can choose to accept or not accept a, a virus, a cold—
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
some disease.
MQ:
Yeah. Yeah. And what I, how I know that is because I can feel this like, it feels like a discernment, it feels like a choice in my belly that, you know, for example, I have a dear friend who's dying of cancer right now. Um, I have another dear friend who has lots of other health issues and she, that friend asked me, she asked me something along the lines of like how, how, I forget the question actually. Um. But it was something along the lines of like, how do you, how do you live with so much, like, intention and how, how do these things not happen in your life? And I, I can just feel my purpose is not, I don't, I don't want, I don't need those experiences for any healing. I've, I've kind of, I feel in my belly that I'm really clear that it just feels like I'm, I'm taking out a sword and I'm slicing through that. Like slicing through having to do that. Does that make sense?
Dr.B:
Yes.
MQ:
It's like I'm slicing through, I'm like, Nope, I don't need that. Nope, I don't need that. That's not on my trajectory. And it's not willful. It's not hypervigilant. It's just—
Dr.B (12:38):
You have the clarity.
MQ:
Yeah. This is not my purpose. Yeah, I'm not here for that. No thank you, basically, and on, on I go and there is fear that, or doubt that comes in. But I, I recognize that feeling in my head and I recognize the motive vibration with it. Um, and I move on. So, you know, and like for example, like, I honestly like, with the coronavirus right now, I, I am using my discernment. Like it's not like I'm going to go and I'm going to go travel to any place that where this epidemic is like really, um, prominent. I'm not going to do that because I don't want, my Shinpo [my body's envelope] can't take that. Like I can't combat all that energy too much.
Dr.B (13:30):
You consider going to one of those places and you immediately feel it—
MQ:
Feel it right away. Like I guess where, I dunno, where does it really—
Dr.B:
China.
MQ:
Oh, I would never go to China. Right. I[laughter] would never do that. And—
Dr.B:
And you feel that.
MQ:
And I feel that and then I feel it. Yeah. I've just, I don't want to, that's not safe.
Dr.B:
It doesn't feel right.
MQ:
No, it doesn't feel right.
Dr.B:
So, your trajectory can't, says, 'no.'
MQ:
Right. It just says no thank you. You know, and I have no desire to travel right now. Well, cuz I'm pregnant and [laughter] that too.
Dr.B:
Well, but that's—
MQ:
But that's good.
Dr.B:
That's real.
MQ:
It's real. Yeah. It's really important to know that. And so, um—
Dr.B (14:11):
And even if the desire says, I'd really like to go. So—
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
You feel that. You check in—
MQ:
Yeah. You have to check in, but you have to get out of the fear to check in. You have to get out of the fear—
Dr.B:
Yes.
MQ:
to check in.
Dr.B:
Yeah.
MQ:
And then when you're out of the fear, you have your confidence and then you're not going to — get entangled with the mess either.
Dr.B (14:38):
That said, is it possible that there's some gift in the coronavirus for all of us?
MQ:
I feel that, that's what I'm feeling. I don't feel like it's such a doom, like I don't feel like it's such a, mmm, curse. I feel like it's, like something here is good. Like this can awaken our ability to use our discernment if we have the confidence and the education, like the education experience. Like by education I mean the life experience, like, or the inspiration to have the life experience, to realize that we have choice and we have the, this like inner tool inside of us to help us really make good choices. Does that make sense?
Dr.B (15:30):
Yeah. Um, choice, what dimensions of, what dimensions of life energy does choice arise, arise out of?
MQ:
Like lung and large intestine?
Dr.B:
Right, and in, in the medicine, it's lung and large intestine.
MQ:
E-WE.
Dr.B:
E-WE, the sounds of a and way.
MQ:
Um-hum.
Dr.B (15:50):
And, interestingly enough, what most, the greatest effect on people right now suffering from the coronavirus is the lungs.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
So that's E-WE dimensions.
MQ:
Right.
Dr.B (16:08):
E-WE dimensions govern what capacity?
MQ:
Choice.
Dr.B:
Choice.
MQ:
Um-hum.
Dr.B:
Exactly. Index finger and thumb. It's what, it's what makes us unique as human beings.
MQ:
Right.
Dr.B:
So—
MQ:
It's reflecting something.
Dr.B:
Yes.
MQ (16:26):
It's reflecting that that weakness in our civilization of we're not using our choice, we're not using our discernment. Like we're not activating that part. So that makes those, those, um, organs or merid-, uh, parts of our body more susceptible to these viruses.
Dr.B (16:48):
Yeah. The Large Intestine meridian is, is paramount in addressing any kind of infection.
MQ:
Okay. Wow.
Dr.B:
So, how do we strengthen it?
MQ:
By using, employing our discernment. [laughter].
Dr.B:
Okay.
MQ:
I mean, that's what I think. I mean, by...
Dr.B (17:06):
So, it's interesting. I wonder, does texting have any effect? You were using these guys, right? [referring to Marlana moving her thumbs and index fingers].
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
Yeah, [laughter] using the index fingers a lot. Does that have some effect on, on these capacities?
MQ:
Yeah, that hurts your thumbs. So, I mean, then that's your body and that's that meridian, so, yeah. Yes, absolutely. I have no doubt, yeah, that, that would do that. Yeah. And you know what else was happening with this whole virus thing is that people are forging more and more separation between themselves because of the fear.
Dr.B:
Oh, of course.
MQ:
And so—
Dr.B:
Of course.
MQ:
people don't shake hands when they say hello, they don't hug anymore. They like—
Dr.B:
Yeah.
MQ:
It's, I saw it at the karate dojo yesterday. These women who wouldn't shake this man's hand, it was really strange. And maybe they, you know, maybe they're ill, I don't know. And they don't, maybe they're respecting their Shinpo, but I just, it's more prominent.
Dr.B:
Absolutely.
MQ:
Than ever.
Dr.B (18:16):
Yeah. This morning on, on, on that radio show, they were discussing old people dying in these hospitals and they're, they're isolated. No one can go into these rooms. And so they are completely cut off, at least physically—
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
from their loved ones—
MQ:
Oh, my gosh.
Dr.B:
and they are dying that death ...
MQ:
Alone. That's so sad. And they're alone, they're like being secluded because they have coronavirus?
Dr.B:
Because they have coronavirus.
MQ:
Oh my gosh. Wow.
Dr.B:
So yeah, it's so interesting you said that. It's forging even further separation.
MQ:
Um-hum.
Dr.B:
So, we have choice.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B (19:05):
How does it feel this further separation? On the radio show the commentator was just virtually crying. Uh, let's see. He was describing their, their plight. What's our responsibility? How do we, how do we meet this? How did it feel at the karate dojo?
MQ:
Fine.
Dr.B (19:32):
How did it feel when you sensed people backing off from one another, from any kind of contact?
MQ:
Um, it, it made me sad. That made me sad.
Dr.B:
Okay.
MQ:
That did make me sad. It alarmed me just because of what's going on with the virus. You know, if she was, if the woman was really being responsible about, you know, her Shinpo, that's another thing, but, um, I guess that it didn't feel bad. It felt like she was, she was being respectful, you know, that did feel that way. And that's very good. It just, because I know I've seen where the, where like the isolation has taken part, over parts of the world. You know, it's just, alarmed me. Like that.
Dr.B (20:26):
What are you seeing with your dance students?
MQ:
Oh, [laughter] they, I love them. Um, they, this one isn't as heavy on them, that they're speaking to. I'll say that. They, they're not in their, they're not in fear about it right now. I don't know if it's hit close enough to home for them to realize anything, but they're, um, they, they've told me that it affects the elderly more than it affects children. So, um, my teenagers, and so I don't know if that's true or not, but my sense is, is they're, they're already so troubled by so many things about our world that this is...
Dr.B:
One more thing.
MQ:
One more thing that they're seeing in their lifetime of like, wow, where is this world going? Um, we haven't talked very much in depth about it, but...
Dr.B ():
But you know they're troubled about so many things.
MQ:
They're so troubled about so many things, yeah. They're all asking me to vote and [laughter] I'll do all these things cuz they can't yet. And you know, giving me information about who I should vote for, [laughter] like in the name of them. And it's, I'm happy to help where I can.
Dr.B (22:08):
Do they feel powerless?
MQ:
They do, yeah, because they're not 18. They're all, I have like five of them who are on the cusp, like after the election, then they'll turn 18.
Dr.B:
I see.
MQ:
And so they feel very helpless in that respect and they feel, they don't feel heard and they feel like, um, they feel like greed and power have taken over the better half of our life. And that, um, they also struggle so much just with, not, not each other, but like with, um, peers at their school and all those dynamics.
Dr.B (22:59):
How do they struggle with them, do they say?
MQ:
There's a lot of bullying? There's, there's a lot of bullying.
Dr.B:
Really?
MQ:
Yeah. There's a lot of inappropriate sexual and alcohol and drug events that happen and um, they, they struggle with... I think a lot of them think that something's wrong with them, um, even though there's not. These are all very bright, beautiful girls and boys. And so, um, yeah, I just am kind of a lighthouse for them and they kind of say what they need to say and I try to help them keep their lights lit. So, we did talk about, we did talk about not accepting the virus and what that looks like. So I—
Dr.B:
How did they respond to that?
MQ:
Um, they're always very open to what I'm saying. They're always very, um, they were like, are you telling us not to worry about it? And I said, 'no, I'm telling you that your responsibility is to feel, ask yourself what your responsibility is, so that you can feel confident that you don't want to get sick.'.
Dr.B:
Yeah. Worrying about it won't do them any good.
MQ:
No, it will just, it'll just keep them in further separation.
Dr.B:
Yeah.
MQ:
I'm really feeling them right now really strongly.
Dr.B:
What do you feel?
MQ:
Well, so my older kids, this last week was my last, um, class with them cuz I'm going on maternity leave and they, um—
Dr.B:
That's really selfish, but go ahead.
MQ:
[laughter] They surprised me with a baby shower—
Dr.B:
Awww.
MQ:
that they all, um, with the help of their moms put together all on their own volition. And it just so happened that my kids were at the studio with me that day. So they got to be included in it. It was really divine. But, um, in the card that they gave me, every single one of them wrote that they wrote, I love you so much. Every single one of them wrote something like that. And so it's just, [sniffs] I feel that love for them too. And so, um, it's just, I feel like I'm very important in their life and—oh, thank you [sound of tissue being pulled from box]—and vice versa. So I feel like, I don't feel like I am like hopeful for them. I feel like they, these, these women, these young girls, [sniffs] they have purposes and I really hope that they can...
Dr.B:
Realize them.
MQ:
Yeah. And bring them to their fullest capacity. So—
Dr.B:
And my sense there is you are, you're, you're being a model.
MQ:
Yeah. That's my sense too.
Dr.B:
Yeah.
MQ (26:23):
Yeah. And they're very, they're very, they take what I say very seriously and they, um, they're good, good, good, good kids. I love them. [laughter] I'm lucky to be their teacher. But I, with my students, I feel, I don't ever feel like they're just my students. It's not an over-responsibility thing, but I just, I feel so connected to them, spend a lot of time with them and thinking about them outside of the studio. So...
Dr.B:
You were called together.
MQ:
Yeah, for sure.
Dr.B:
Um-hum.
MQ:
That's a good group, always. So, yeah.
Dr.B:
Anything else?
MQ (27:13):
Yeah. Well I'm feeling right now, so like the, like the medical side of this, people are, they're trying to figure out like a way to stop it.
Dr.B:
Yeah.
MQ:
With vaccinations or, or, um, what's it called when you have to stay out of your places?
Dr.B:
Quarantine.
MQ:
Quarantine, yeah.
Dr.B:
Stay away, people all stay apart.
MQ:
Uh-huh.
Dr.B:
Yes.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
In your, in your quarters.
MQ:
In your quarters? Yeah. Quarantine. Yeah. And so I'm wondering though, like, what I've seen with that kind of stuff is that it just creates more problems—
Dr.B:
Because?
MQ:
Because they're not addressing...
Dr.B (27:58):
The root of the issue. [laughter]
MQ:
Yeah! And so it's like a mask almost. And so that, it gives me—
Dr.B:
Yeah, it's a salve, it's a fix.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
Quarantine's a fix.
MQ:
Right, all of it is a fix.
Dr.B:
All reaction.
MQ (28:14):
So here's, but here's the light for me is that, so I'll wonder, oh, do I need to look into getting the shot for whatever purpose. Not just the coronavirus, you know, and it's like, it's feeling that shot, feeling what's in the shot, feeling what's the motivation behind it. And, but then what comes in for me is, wait a minute, if I'm just activating my discernment and making the right choices for myself, I'm not susceptible to this stuff. And not that I'm above it, it's just that I'm not making myself a target. And so then you don't, if you're doing your inside work, you don't need to rely on these fixes to get you through the next thing.
Dr.B:
Right.
MQ:
So that's what I'll say. That's what I'll say, and I've seen, I've seen lots of people in this past like just in this past year who have had surgeries or interventions like where they're trying to fix something and two of them have died and, or have had further complications with other things that don't even, they never had before. And so it's like, what is, it's just troubling for me. It's just...
Dr.B (29:45):
Uh, when I was studying the medicine I practice, um, I, I was, my teacher said that, um, there was, there was a definite place for modern medicine—].
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
but it's not at the base of the pyramid. It's at the top of the pyramid. The base, the foundation has to be something really 180 degrees apart from that.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
And so as a last, as a last possibility, modern medicine is there and it serves a purpose.
MQ:
Yeah. It's good that we have that there.
Dr.B:
But leaning on it becomes a whole other proposition.
MQ:
Um-hum. Yeah, and what comes in for me too is that I don't think it's, it's not a fight, like saying that it's the doctor's fault or anything. They're doing their job. I feel like it's actually the patient's fault [laughter] for, you know, leaning and not cleaning up what needs to be cleaned up, to tend to whatever's been created from the separation within themselves.
Dr.B:
Yes.
MQ:
You know, and so...
Dr.B:
So are we going to get weaker or is we gonna get stronger—
MQ:
Right.
Dr.B:
from this pandemic?
MQ:
Right. Right. What's going to happen?
Dr.B:
What, [laughter] what'l it be?
MQ:
Right.
Dr.B:
Yeah.
MQ:
We each have our own choice, so that's good.
Dr.B:
We do.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B (31:19):
How's the fear?
MQ:
It comes in.
Dr.B:
Yeah.
MQ:
It, it comes in every day.
Dr.B:
It cycles.
MQ:
It cycles, but I don't get stuck in it and I, the sooner I can take out my discernment and not follow it, the better my day is.
Dr.B:
Yeah. Simple as that.
MQ:
Yeah. And I just, you know, it comes in and I feel it and then I say, no, thank you. And, I'm fine.
Dr.B (31:45):
Yeah. I, I feel that this instant, I can feel it in the collective. It's here.
MQ:
Um-hum.
Dr.B:
It's pretty pervasive.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B (31:56):
And yet I still have choice.
MQ:
Yeah. We all do.
Dr.B:
We all do.
MQ:
Yeah. And that's really good. And when I was driving here, I felt, okay, all this craziness is going on around this, in this world around me. But I, but I'm feeling, when I'm not in my fear, I'm not entangled in that, I, I feel really happy and I feel like I'm on track. And so...
Dr.B (32:24):
How do you avoid entanglement?
MQ:
By feeling it.
Dr.B:
Um-hum. So, entanglement arises how?
MQ:
When you're not, I feel like when you're not using your discernment. It's like when you're moving too fast and when you're—
Dr.B:
Okay.
MQ:
you're not slowing down and feeling everything that's going into the pot—
Dr.B:
Right.
MQ:
if you will.
Dr.B:
Right.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B (32:56):
But you can feel when entanglement enters your life?
MQ:
If I'm slowing down. If I'm not—
Dr.B:
If you're not pushing.
MQ:
Yeah. If I'm not pushing, then I can feel that a hundred percent.
Dr.B:
Yeah, okay.
MQ:
Yeah. And, if I'm not attached to something, yeah.
Dr.:
Not attached to something.
MQ:
Um-hum.
Dr.B :
Some thing.
MQ:
Yup.
Dr.B:
Key word.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B:
Phenomena.
MQ:
Yeah.
Dr.B (33:29):
Anything else?
MQ:
No. Does it feel like I was clear about...?
Dr.B:
Yes, it does.
MQ:
Okay.
Dr.B:
Yes, it does.
MQ (33:42):
Okay. I just want people to know that they have a choice and as long as they're feeling and using their discernment around that, that they're gonna be fine. [laughter]
Dr.B:
One step at a time.
MQ:
Yeah. Just so slow. It's so slow and there's no urgency. It's not like a, well, there is an urgency, but it's not like a fear-based urgency, it's like a, it's like a, an undoing of sorts.
Dr.B:
Absolutely.
MQ:
So, yeah.
Dr.B:
Thank you very much.
MQ:
Thank you. Okay.